“Tell me what you don’t like about yourself.”

25. Dr. Christian Troy

Nip/Tuck

I’ve just recently finished the first four seasons of this show, and I’m hooked. Hooked enough for Dr. Christian Troy to sneak his way onto this list I’ve been working on for months. While the character starts out as a sex addicted misogynist and a bit of an asshole, his character definitely seems to grow and become less of an ass and more of a tragic character.

Also he is very pretty.

Best Moment: This whole show is filled with great moments. Best I’ve seen so far is when he confronts a priest that molested young boys after he conned the doctors into removing an incriminating birthmark.

“I’ll go anywhere with you…as long as I don’t have to cook.”

24. Michelle Dessler

24

There are very few likable female characters on this show, unfortunately. Kim Bauer, Jack’s daughter, was one of the worst parts of the show, both due to her character itself as well as the numerous terrible subplots she was involved in (cougar attack! oh no!). Luckily, in the second season Michelle Dessler was introduced and she quickly became one of the best characters on the show.

Not only was she beautiful but she was intelligent, one might say one of the more intelligent characters in the testosterone fueled CTU office. While most characters always thought Jack had gone rogue/evil/crazy again, she kept a level head and understood what he was doing, then proceeded to help him protect the world (Los Angeles).

Best Moment: Finally getting it on with Tony Almeida, another awesome character from the same show.

“How was sexual intercourse with my girlfriend Stephen?”

23. Eric

Undeclared

Oh, Eric. He was hinted at and shown in pictures in the first few episodes of Undeclared but didn’t appear in person until the third or fourth episode. He is played as such a douchebag that you can’t help but love and hate at the same time. For example when he’s walking around in his underwear post sex with his girlfriend, you are disgusted with him but you can’t hate him because he’s still being so nice.

Of course, he is at his best when he’s feeling extremes of different emotions. Like when he is sad from Lizzy breaking up with him and he cries in the shower and hits himself in the face over and over (pictured). Or when he finds out Stephen slept with Lizzy and goes in a blind rage to beat him up (then gets really concerned when he thinks he might have broke Stephen’s tooth).

Best Moment: Holding a pillow featuring his own face that he gave Lizzy as a gift, he proclaims, half jokingly, “I’m a psycho! I’M A PSYCHO!” then he laughs and cries a lot.

“Oh my god I don’t wanna go.”

22. Claire Fisher

Six Feet Under

Claire was an interesting character because she was the youngest in this family filled with interesting people and was therefore easier to identify with than the others (gender be damned). She was going through High School, then College/Art School, then different jobs, until finally leaving her family/home at the end of the series to pursue a job in New York.

While I never really did those things, obviously, the fact was that her character’s thoughts and actions were the easiest to relate with and throughout the series I definitely grew to adore this character and her story. In the final sequence of the show (possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen on television) we see she becomes a successful photographer and lives to be 101 years old.

Best Moment: During the final episode, she leaves her home behind and an amazing montage featuring Sia’s song ‘Breath me’ gives us a fantastic final six minutes of the program.

“Oh for fucks sakes! Why would your sister bury you?”

21. Andy Millman

Extras

Ricky Gervais plays a more likable character in this show than he ever did on The Office, and it pays off. We still get a lot of the awkward humor he’s known for, but without hating him (for the most part). Throughout the series, you root for him to get success, to get what he wants, until you realize he doesn’t really seem to know what he wants. He wants to be famous, but wants to keep his integrity as an artist, but soon discards that notion to make a sitcom with wigs and catchphrases that he obviously despises. He seems to prefer being famous over being proud of his work.

That gets remedied somewhat in the christmas special, where he goes on Big Brother and delivers a heart felt speech to the cameras that instantly make you fall in love with him again. The series ends in a seemingly perfect way: he gets the fame and integrity he always wanted with that very speech, and instead of basking in it and embracing it, he leaves town with his friend Maggie to a place where no one knows who he is.

Best Moment: The very speech I mentioned above, where he is on Big Brother and delivers this speech not only to the houseguests and the world but to his friend Maggie who he apologizes to for being an ass to.

“Have Mercy! Watch the hair! Elvis!”

20. Jesse Katsopolis

Full House

Uncle Jesse is so awesome. I defy you to find a clip from Full House where he isn’t being awesome/hilarious.

Best Moment: His music video for ‘Forever’ which is so epic I can’t describe it properly. Just watch it.

“Is it an orgasm friend?”

19. Anya Jenkins

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Anya was originally introduced as a one-off demon for the episode ‘The Wish’ but eventually returned to allow Vamp Willow to interact with the others, and from there became a pretty regular character.

The best part about Anya’s character is that she says exactly what’s on her mind. Since she’s a super old demon that isn’t privy to society’s ‘rules’ she just says things and it often makes others quite uncomfortable. It’s the best when she talks to Giles, because he always reacts the best way to all the things she says. Also the running joke of her being afraid of bunnies is always good for some laughs.

Best Moment: It’s really subtle, and I never noticed it until recently, but in the musical episode after her song with Xander they are talking to Giles on the street. Giles expresses his sadness regarding helping Buffy, and to comfort him, Anya gently pats him, straight armed, and very softly. It’s hard to spot because the scene cuts away quickly after too, but watch for it next time because it’s hilarious.

“I had the perfect life. Until I was in a coma for six years.”

18. Johnny Smith

The Dead Zone

Who would have thought the nerdy kid from Breakfast Club would grow up to be so awesome?

In reality, this character isn’t super interesting, as far as backstory and development and things like that. But the way he plays this lonely psychic with a cane is just insanely likeable and fun to watch. I’ve watched four seasons and they’re still doing self contained stories for the most part without too many season long arcs or whatnot, which suits the format well.

Best Moment: It’s hard to pin down a single moment for this character, as he’s pretty static throughout the series. But anytime he breaks the solemn, weary looking psychic facade and actually jokes around with someone it’s usually pretty awesome.

“I did do the nasty in the past-y.”

17. Philip J. Fry

Futurama

As a person living in the 1990’s suddenly finding himself in the year 3000, Fry seems like a bit of a dolt. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a pretty stupid guy, but a lot of the things that make him seem stupid are simply because he’s from a different time. It’s because of this that he becomes a large source for the humor on this show, and while I was debating on whether or not I’d put the Professor on this list over Fry, I figured Fry is definitely my favorite character on the show.

Best Moment: Going around the table explaining each character’s ‘quirk’ and then the professor says ‘And Fry, you’ve got that brain thing!’ to which Fry replies ‘I already did!’

“My ass is not pansy.”

16. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel

While this character was originally introduced as an antagonist to the gang, and a reflection on Giles himself and how much he has changed, the character began a much better journey when he joined the cast of the Buffy spin-off Angel.

He comes on the show as a ‘Rogue Demon Hunter’ and has similar nerdy/wimpy qualities that he had throughout Buffy. But as the seasons progress, and the show becomes more and more dark (and awesome), Wesley evolves into a completely different character who quickly became one of my favorites from the show. He was probably one of the most tragic characters on the show (which is saying a lot, man those characters all had it rough) but he still maintained a good composure and rarely slipped from being an intelligent man with a big heart. I love him.

Best Moment: In the brilliant episode “Smile Time” when Wesley violently kills a large, grimace-type puppet with his own nose/horn.

“That’s what she said.”

15. Michael Scott

The Office

Michael Scott is the kind of character you love to hate, but not in the sense that he’s a jerk, or mean spirited, just that he’s so unintelligent and oblivious. He says such stupid things but he doesn’t even realize they’re stupid, even when people point it out to him.

There’s a certain amount of charm to the character that shows up rarely, but it brings the human side out in this caricature and makes you kind of love him. Of course, this usually follows by him doing something completely off the wall and creepy that makes you hate him again, but none the less, he does have his moments. And that’s what keeps him from becoming completely unlikable.

Best Moment: Any time he shows an insane amount of contempt towards the HR rep Toby.

“You’re orange, you moron.”

14. Dr. Gregory House

House, M.D.

House is an asshole. But smart. That’s why people love him. I’m no different.

The show is enjoyable. That is all.

Best Moment: In order to prove God doesn’t exist, House electrocutes himself to see if there is anything in his half dead state other than darkness.

“Well the jerk store called, they’re runnin’ out of you!”

13. George Louis Costanza

Seinfeld

Seinfeld is the only television program with a laugh track that I actually find to be brilliant. There are others I enjoy, but laugh tracks generally ruin them. This is probably the show that I can watch and completely ignore the fact that there is canned laughter in the background, because it’s just so wonderfully done.

George is by far the best character on the show. Kramer is funny for a while, but eventually him being zany and falling down and making weird sounds gets old. Jerry is only great because he’s such a bad actor and breaks character often to smirk at other people’s jokes (or his own – see “But I don’t wanna be a cowboy!”). Elaine is the funniest when she fights with George.

George Costanza is such a terrible human being, and says such stupid things, and makes so many things hard for himself and others, and the best part is he’s based on a real person. The majority of the things he does on the show are based on real events Larry David did in real life. And while most people on the show hate him (rightly so), I can’t help but find him endearing.

Best Moment: Running out of the bathroom, pants still down, shouting ‘Vandelay Industries! Say Vandelay Industries!’

“Hey, Batdad. I didn’t hear no bell.”

12. Randy Marsh

South Park

I hated, hated South Park when it first started. It was just a bunch of crass humor that inevitably corrupted my little brother when he was impressionable (Long story short: he wrote a short story about a farmer having sex with a pig after the ‘elephant makes love to a pig’ episode and our parents got a call home). Returning to the show later on however, I started to see the intelligence behind it. Although I still think the first few seasons are stupid, everything from season 4 on has been pretty brilliant. And hilarious.

But the best part of the show isn’t the kids, mostly because they usually serve as the ’straight man’ to everyone else in town (except Cartman obviously). Stan’s dad Randy quickly became my favorite as I watched more and more of the show, and he has remained that way since. I think the way he talks contributes greatly to my love for him, for example when shouting ‘I thought this was America!’ while being dragged away with his shirt off and pants down.

Best Moment: While his son is playing Carry on My Wayward Son on Guitar Hero, Randy comes in to impress them and plays the actual song (along with belting out the lyrics awesomely) only to find out the kids aren’t impressed because real guitar is lame.

“TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!!!”

11. Jack Bauer

24

Jack Bauer is a fucking badass. If I could entrust one person with my safety it would be him. The show itself grows a bit redundant as it progresses, where basically Jack does something excessive to get the job done and they think he’s a traitor but it turns out he was right all along and in the end he is exonerated. But I think what makes it enjoyable is that Kiefer Sutherland plays Jack so…awesomely. With his coarse whisper voice that is terrifying and then suddenly a scream that is even more terrifying, and then some kind of display that tells you ‘I will jam this corkscrew into your jaw if you don’t talk’ without actually saying that…it’s all so…beautiful. It’s as if he makes torture an art. A very…scary art.

Best Moment: After the ‘big thing’ (spoilers omitted) at the end of season one, Jack returns in season two with a depression beard and doesn’t seem to have what it takes to continue at CTU. He then proceeds to chop off someone’s head with a hacksaw in order to get close to a lead. Awesome.

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do.”

10. John Locke

LOST

The thing about LOST is there’s so much going on and it’s hard to talk about the show without giving things away to those that haven’t seen it (and trust me, it’s worth not spoiling anything). Therefore I’m going to give a breakdown of the character of John Locke season by season:

Season 1 Locke is awesome. Mysterious, strong, and seems to have some communion with the Island.

Season 2 Locke is semi-awesome. He begins to lose faith in the Island and has some moments where he’s a bit of an idiot, but overall is still one of the best characters on the show, thanks to flashbacks of course.

Season 3 Locke is an ass. He does some really stupid shit and is a little annoying.

Season 4 Locke is awesome again. He seems to have his faith in the Island back and his communion with it once again. He does some bad ass stuff and makes Jack look like the Douche now, in my opinion.

Season 5 is set to air soon, and I predict he will be even more awesome. In short, I love Locke, though his highs and lows he is a great character.

Best Moment: His flashbacks are almost always incredibly depressing and such, but the most heartbreaking moment is when we learn how exactly he got in his wheelchair and his reaction to being placed in it for the first time.

“I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.”

9. George Michael Bluth

Arrested Development

Before Michael Cera became ‘cute awkward teenager flavor of the month!’ he was freaking brilliant on this show and stood out right away to me. His comic timing is impeccable and practically everything he says or does is hilarious. I do think he has the whole ‘awkward teen’ thing down pretty well, but seriously dude, stop it. And do the fucking movie you jerk.

Best Moment: His girlfriend, Ann, breaks up with him, and he someone manages to emit the most hilarious ’sad devastation’ sound I’ve ever heard, and the scene quickly cuts away. It’s really funny.

“Brendon, try these leaves. They’re poison.”

8. Coach Mcguirk

Home Movies

As far as I know, Home Movies is one of the few animated shows (perhaps the only one) that is heavily improvised. The actors will run scenes together where they just have the basic outline for where the scene needs to go and they wing it from there. The payoff is hilarious because you can tell it isn’t scripted and that the actors are just inherently funny. Coach Mcguirk is a stand out for me because his monotonous delivery of most of his lines is usually pretty much the way I talk in real life. Also he is a terrible soccer coach. Actually he is terrible at any job he does really, from lifeguard to Renaissance Fair Blacksmith.

Best Moment: In driving class, he is miming driving a car and initially hates it, but eventually he starts dramatizing it and pretends the brakes are out. He then crashes into a gas station and makes the sound effects for the ensuing explosion, also adding ‘HUGE PLUME MUSHROOM CLOUD’ at the end.

“Ever seen a guy say goodbye to a shoe?”

7. Hank Scorpio

The Simpsons

Yes, I truly believe that this single-episode-appearance character is better than any other character on The Simpsons. I defy you to disagree. For one thing, he didn’t have the chance to become stupid and Flanderized like the main characters have, and for another thing, I’m pretty sure everything he says in the episode he’s in (“You Only Move Twice”) is hilarious. Not just funny but hilarious. He keeps sugar in his pockets and cream in god knows where, he participates in fun runs and delivers fruit baskets to new employees at the same time, and operates a very evil corporation while being the best boss you could ask for. I love Hank Scorpio so, so much.

Best Moment: When he asks Homer to hang up his coat, then proclaims they don’t believe in coat racks, he quickly adds ‘In fact, I didn’t even give you my coat!’ Homer looks down and looks back up to see Scorpio grinning madly with his coat on backwards and it’s pretty much the greatest sight gag ever.

“Will girls ever like us?”

6. Sam Weir

Freaks & Geeks

Honestly if I didn’t limit myself to one character per show (two if need be…) most of the characters on here would be people from Freaks & Geeks and Buffy. Freaks and Geeks is such a perfectly done show that it should never have been cancelled. But at the same time, I’m partly glad it did because it had no chance of degrading in quality and stands as a testament to great television.

From the pilot episode Sam Weir had me. I think the biggest reason behind this is that I was Sam Weir in school. I was the awkward geek that didn’t know anything about girls and tried to just make it through school alive. I took solace in my other geeky friends and held the things in popular culture that I loved in such a high regard. The scene in the Pilot where he asks Cindy Sanders out is, I swear, taken directly from my real life. And it’s acted so brilliantly by John Francis Daley. The show itself is brilliant, but it was Sam that affected me personally the most.

Best Moment: After finding out his friend Neil’s dad cheated on Neil’s mom and bought him an Atari out of guilt, Sam gets home to find that his dad bought him an Atari cause he was ‘a good kid.’ Sam breaks down in tears and hugs his dad…and it’s heartbreaking.

“If your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.”

5. Capt. Malcolm Reynolds

Firefly

Some people call Malcolm Reynolds as the ‘Han Solo’ of our time. I disagree. Han Solo is a giant pile of triceratops shit that just killed your father and raped your mother compared to Mal. I think the reason I like him so much is that he’s much more of a ‘little speck’ in the grand sceme of things than most characters. Basically he’s on the losing side of a war and is the last person in the world you think might make a difference. But throughout the series as well as the movie Serenity, he does a whole heck of a lot, simply because it’s the right thing to do.

Apologies to Han Solo fans. And your parents I suppose.

Best Moment: After a sword duel with an arrogant douche bag, he nobly proclaims that “Mercy is the sign of a great man,” and then stabs him in the gut, saying “I guess I’m just a good man.” THEN after one more stab he says “Well, I’m alright.”

“I am aware of the reality of death. I work with it every day.”

4. David Fisher

Six Feet Under

David is perhaps one of the most likeable characters I’ve ever seen on TV. He is also the first character I’ve seen that is believably gay. He is the antithesis of Jack-from-Will-and-Grace where if you’re on TV and you’re gay you have to be SUPER gay! It’s less of a gimmick and simply another aspect of his character. He’s generally the smartest member of the Fisher family as well, giving advice to everyone else often, but he does have demons of his own and goes through a lot of emotional rollercoasters (as does everyone on the show). He’s the kind of person I strive to be like, although minus the gay part.

Not that there’s anything wrong with thaUH OH SOMEONE HIT THE SEINFELD SWITCH

Best Moment: The entirety of the fourth season episode “That’s My Dog” where David goes through a huge ordeal involving a mugger. It’s brilliantly done and expertly acted by Michael C. Hall.

“We’re the good guys Michael.”

3. Benjamin Linus

LOST

This character immediately had me intrigued when he showed up around the middle of season two, and he was originally going to be in three episodes I believe. The actor impressed the creators so much that they wrote new stuff for him, and eventually made him one of the central characters for the show’s mythos. The character is so freaking awesome that if the show ever has an awful episode he will most definitely make up for it by simply being in it. Also the more we learn about his past and the secrets he has, the better he becomes.

Best Moment: I’m sure he has many more to come, but the part that makes me laugh the most is when he is walking back to the house in New Otherton and smiling happily to Hurley and Sawyer, carrying laundry. When asked what he’s doing out (he was in captivity earlier) he proclaims proudly, “See you guys at dinner!” Awesome.

“Geoffrey, break out Lucille.”

2. Philip Banks

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Uncle Phil is almost always the comic foible to Will Smith’s wacky shenanigans. But he also has a lot of depth to his character (for a sitcom at least). Lots of Fresh Prince episodes end with him delivering some kind of ‘think about it’ deep message, which is always noted because instead of laughter-clapter when the credits roll, it’s simply clapter. But he’s also a pretty funny character and gets lots of good lines in, usually having to do with food. Oh and did I mention the actor (James Avery) voices SHREDDER from fucking NINJA TURTLES? Cause he does.

Best Moment: When he hustles the guys at the pool hall, tells Geoffrey to break out Lucille, then continues to beat them whilst eating donuts.

“Please leave my home now.”

1. Rupert Giles

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Now, this character started out as a bit of a nerdy authority figure to the kids of Sunnydale High. But it quickly became obvious that he was much more than that. He was the inherent father figure in Buffy’s life, and grew to love her perhaps more than a father could. He is very intelligent and is generally the source of exposition and reveals about whatever supernatural force they happen to be combating at the time. Through all this he still has probably the best lines in the series and almost everything he says is either awesome or hilarious (two words I don’t use lightly. Don’t scroll up to see if I’m lying).

I think he is the only character on the show that didn’t become annoying at some point. Even in the terrible final season, he was the shining light (although still remarkably less cool). Most of my favorite moments in the series have to do with him, from his song(s) in the musical episode, to the great entrance at the end of season 6 where he is able to stop evil Willow (albeit briefly). I really wish they could have made the rumored spinoff focused on him happen, I would have been one happy man.

And to top it all off, he’s delightfully British!

Best Moment: Anthony Stewart Head has an amazing singing voice, evidenced not only in the musical episode (and the brief singing stints in two earlier episodes) but also in his album that is pretty awesome. The greatest moment in the Buffy musical is his song ‘Standing’ and the subsequent duet with Tara (Amber Benson) shortly after. It is glorious.

I haven’t updated this thing in a long while. Well that’s mostly because I’ve been really busy at school this semester, but also because I’ve had little inspiration to post things. So I decided I’d write a little ‘catch up’ post, in regards to my school year so far. IN NOVEL FORM.

Bond and Blonde

CHAPTER 1: THE EMPRESS ENDS

My summer job finished, and when all was said and done, it was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever been a part of. Not only was I doing theatre, and getting paid for it, but I was learning so many new skills and getting to know a group of awesome people. That job has granted me some FFLs (Friends For Life) and I’m really grateful for that.

While I only had a few weeks after that job ended before school started, it was a pretty great time. I got to see some old friends and some new friends, I got to go to the Calgary Zoo again, and more or less had time to relax before school began in September. It was actually a little nerve wracking, as I had told myself to become more involved in drama-related things at school and I was worried I’d have a terrible experience with it again…luckily that was not the case.

Looking to the Future

CHAPTER 2: AUDITIONS, AUDITIONS

So classes began, and while I started out with a full 5 course load, I eventually dropped the Theatre in Performance class because it was recommended you don’t take it if you’re in a mainstage production. Since I hadn’t actually auditioned for a show yet, I was a little leery to drop the class because I was hoping to be in the Much Ado About Nothing production, but wasn’t sure if it would happen. I dropped it anyway, and my class schedule after add/drop ended looked like this:

• Drama 4312: Acting for the Camera
• Drama 2812: Stagecraft 2
• Psych 2800: Social Psychology
• Anthro 1000: Intro to Anthropology

The only class I was really looking forward to was the Acting for the Camera class. Stagecraft 2 is essentially filled with things I have no interest in, like Lighting/Sound design, Stage Management, Running Crew, etc. It’s not really my thing, and that became clear pretty quickly. Anthropology was something I had taken twice before and dropped, so I figured this time I’d get it done and be done with it. Social Psych turned out to be a really interesting class and I am glad I took that as a Social Science. Now I just need to finish up my Science GLERs.

So the time came for the Much Ado About Nothing audition. I was really glad I didn’t have to prepare a monologue, as I am pretty bad at finding a good one usually. The audition went pretty well, I thought, where I served as a disposable actor to help audition other people when a male partner was needed. I got a call back, and felt confident about the way it went with the director asking me to read for a specific role and didn’t have anyone else read for that role. When it came down to it, I got a completely different role than I originally thought. But the most important thing was I got a role!

It was pretty exciting. I had been in productions at the University before, but this time it was a major role! I was excited to work with a lot of the people involved as well, and meet some new people. The first readthrough couldn’t come fast enough.

There were some disappoinments however. I applied to audition for New West’s production of Munsch-a-palooza, and was not given a chance to audition. I didn’t fret too much about it, but at the time it was a pretty major blow. I had auditioned for New West children’s shows before and had no luck, but this was the first time I wasn’t even selected to audition. On top of that, around the same time I found out I was NOT cast in a film project I was looking forward to, although in retrospect the casting they chose made sense and it’s something I understand.

On the hunt

CHAPTER 3: MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

What an experience! I had never been a part of something on this grand of a scale, and to do so surrounded by such great people made it all the better. The rehearsal process was an interesting one, and seeing how everything came together in the end was really something that never hit me until the middle of the run. I look at our very first read through of the play, and our final performance, and it’s really amazing how many things come into making a piece of theatre happen.

Again, this experience has granted me more FFLs and emboldened my friendship with people I already knew. With a few minor exceptions, everyone that was involved in this production was awesome and I really loved being a part of it.

Hard at Work

CHAPTER 4: MAKING PROGRESS

In addition to devoting much of my time to Much Ado, I was working on other projects as well. The Playwright Prize was coming up and I really wanted to finish writing a play that I could submit. I had an idea for a play early in September, but finished the first draft in late November, just a few days before the due date for the Prize. I was able to write a second draft that I was a little happier with, and submitted it. It was a little disconcerting that none of the people I sent the script to really gave me any feedback though, whether it was good or bad. I do understand that everyone’s pretty busy right now and reading a 30 page play isn’t really the top of priorities, so I can’t really fault anyone for it.

I have been working on a new play lately, that I hope to submit to direct next year for the TheatreXtra season, depending on how the writing goes, as well as whether or not I get into the Directing class next semester (I am currently on a waiting list). I don’t know if I’d be confident directing a play without taking the 4000 level class first.

Brother and Sister

CHAPTER 5: WEDDING BELLS

No, not for me silly!

My sister got married this year! I was the Emcee at the wedding and it was much harder than I thought it would be. In the end I think I did an alright job, but at the time I was feeling like I was messing things up or saying stupid things. I think I started it thinking for some reason that people would shout things back at me if I asked them questions, but they just stared…it was a little unnerving actually!

As for me, I’m still living the single life, and to be honest I’ve enjoyed it. I look back at my last relationship and realize it wasn’t what I needed at that time. The way it ended still makes me a little upset, especially when I find out I’ve been lied to and used…but I’ve moved on. There are plenty of days where I see myself in a really negative light and wonder how anyone could see me romantically, but overall, I’m pretty happy with remaining true to myself and living life compassionately. Onward and upward!

Gettin Nervous

CHAPTER 6: WHAT’S NEXT?

So what’s coming next? Well I was cast in next semester’s production of ‘The BFG’ (which I mentioned being super excited for during the summer) and I’m really looking forward to it. The Cast is amazing and the director is one of my favorite professors so I’m anticipating a great show. I’m also in a couple classes that should be really beneficial for me, including a Scene Study class and a Performance Workshop class. As I mentioned before I hope to get in the Directing class as I have a play I’m interested in trying to direct. But if I don’t get in it, I’ll have plenty of things to keep myself occupied and I’m going to keep pushing myself to be creative and try to make some kind of name for myself.

This year has been great. Things are going good. Now I just need to work on graduating!

Yeah so obviously this whole post once a week thing isn’t going to work. Instead of setting an arbitrary deadline for myself these things are just going to happen when I want. So there.

Movie: Wall-E

I’ve always loved the Pixar movies. Sure they’re aimed at kids, but I’m a bit of a kid at heart, and if you ask me, their movies can and should be enjoyed by adults as well. I think there are plenty of things in the world that literally everyone can enjoy, so why can’t movies be that way? There’s no reason to make a kids movie and then put some adult ‘jokes’ in their so that the parents getting dragged to the theatre can laugh at certain moments and not explain to their child the reason they’re laughing at a joke the kid doesn’t get. SHREK I’M LOOKING AT YOU.

I digress. I saw this movie twice this summer, and was absolutely floored. I was expecting to like it, but I was unsure if it would be ‘enjoyable’ like The Incredibles or ‘really awesome’ like Finding Nemo or Ratatouille. Luckily it was of the latter category, and then some. I am confident in saying this is one of the greatest animated films I’ve ever seen. The story is rather simple, but the execution of said story is bordering on a masterwork. The character of Wall-E is one of the greatest characters ever, and the way they animate him and give him personality is done better and with more heart than the majority of real, human actors.

Honestly I could go on and on about this movie but it’s hard to do so without just sounding like a little kid. Watch the movie. I don’t care if you never liked a Pixar movie before, or if you hate ‘kids movies’ or whatever. Just watch it. It’s a work of art, really.

Week of August 23rd, 2008

Television Show: Nip/Tuck

So I’m only in the second season of this show so far but I was hooked on the first episode. It’s a pretty strange show, to be honest, with the promise from some friends of mine that it just gets stranger, but I have loved every minute of it.

I think this show has some of the craziest character dynamics on any TV show, and while the main characters are always there, there are some characters that return often and others that don’t. This makes the show feel much more alive than any others I’ve seen, and it is highly enjoyable to the point where I can’t wait to watch the next episode. Never since 24 have I felt that strongly about continuing the story line of a TV show.

Of course, the best part of this show for me is Christian Troy, who is pretty unlikable in the first season until the storyline involving possibly becoming a father. At that point he becomes much more human and has really been the character that has grown and changed over the series the most (from what I’ve seen anyway). He’s played excellently by Julian McMahon, and I HATED him in Fantastic Four as he played a terrible ‘Dr. Doom’. But he has all but redeemed himself with this show and I don’t even think about that movie anymore.

Week of August 16th, 2008

I’m a little late this week – my apologies. But it’s always worth the wait, right loyal readers? Right!

Video Game: Braid

This game is so ridiculously beautiful I can’t even describe it properly. Along with the amazing visuals is such great music that I actually found myself lost in the game for one of the first times in a long while. Not only that, but the gameplay is so awesome and part of my favorite genre (puzzle).

You play a character trying to rescue a princess from a castle. Not very interesting huh? It doesn’t matter. And there may be much more to the story than that, as I still have only played the first two worlds (with six total worlds to explore). Basically you go into each world and collect puzzle pieces (think jigsaw puzzles) using various platforming techniques, but at the same time you have the ability to rewind time and manipulate the flow of time. There are some objects immune to your time changing abilities, so it takes some creative thinking to get things working your way to collect all those puzzle pieces.

I’m looking forward to continuing this game as I’ve been told it just gets better and better and I’m sure I’ll be able to rant and rave about the game even more once I finish it. It’s currently only available on Xbox Live Arcade, for 1,200 points ($15) and it’s probably the best fifteen bucks I’ve spent on a game. I believe a PC version is coming out soon, so for those of you who don’t have Xbox, definitely consider checking this game out. It’s definitely worth it.

Week of August 9th, 2008

So here’s the deal: I’m going to try this pick of the week thing again, this time, I’m just picking one thing. So I’ll be able to talk about it a bit more and feel less pressure to find five things that fit a theme each week.

Book: The Third Policeman

I had decided to check this book out after reading about it in a LOST episode guide, which explained that it was featured on the show (which is notorious for having many literary references and influences) and that the creators stated if you read this book you’d have more ‘ammunition’ to theorize what was going on on the show. So I decided to check it out, and I owned it for a good four or five months before I started actually reading it proper.

What I was treated to was a strange and humorous story about a man lost in some strange world after certain events take place, and meeting strange characters while learning more about their world and what not. The whole book is fairly confusing as you go through it, but really interesting and really makes you want to reach the end so you can figure out what it’s all about. The ‘twist’ ending is pretty great, and I did not see it coming so I was pretty happy with it. And I definitely felt the impact the book had on LOST and I think I enjoyed it even more because I was a fan of the show.

Oh yeah, the one character constantly refers to things as ‘difficult pancakes’ and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world.

I don’t think many people actually read this or whatnot, but for those that do: I’m not dead. I’ve been insanely busy with my summer job and unable to do much except work and sleep (and eat…sometimes). The picks of the week are a few weeks behind now…but I think to make it easier on myself I’m going to start picking just ONE pick every week, be it a movie, book, tv show, whatever. That way, I’ll be able to keep up with it easier and not get brain aneurysms trying to think of five things that fit a theme. So stay tuned for that!

Also…very soon I promise, my Top 25 Tv Characters of all time!

Week of June 21st, 2008

Isn’t that a clever title? Huh? I thought so. This week, in addition to publicly exclaiming my love for the new Indiana Jones movie, I’ve done some picks for things that are, in my eyes, ‘independent’ and therefore lesser known.

Movie: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I admit I went into this movie with some reservations, as I loved the original trilogy like most sane people, and was worried this would screw up the franchise (mostly due to George Lucas’ involvement). Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised by the pure unadulterated awesomeness that came from this movie. I was confused during the first few scenes, but soon, as Indiana Jones randomly discovers a nuclear test site and survives the impending explosion by hiding inside a lead lined (clearly marked) refrigerator that this movie was made to be hilarious and campy. The plot was decent (although pretty ridiculous), but the dialog and the events throughout were so lame that it was AWESOME. Harrison Ford was great for being really old and Shia Labeouf redeemed himself in my eyes after pissing me off to no end in Transformers. Also I loved that Janitor from Scrubs and Charles Widmore from LOST both showed up in the same scene.

Television Show: The ‘Bu

Created by the geniuses behind The Lonely Island, before they went on to write/act for SNL and create the amazing movie Hot Rod, this is a ‘teen soap drama’ the likes of ‘The O.C.’ and it’s so fantastic I don’t know where to begin. The first episode is a little strange (with the crazy squirrel and 3D glasses stuff) but still hilarious. After that the episodes have a bit of a continuity and it’s pretty awesome. Also Sarah Chalke of Scrubs and second Becky from Roseanne fame stars in a few episodes. Check it out at their website and enjoy.

Music: Majestic Vaginas

MajVag for short, these up and comers only have two songs released to the public so far, but what I’ve heard from them is fantastic. They seem to be from Europe, although I’m not sure from where exactly. They are definitely a band to keep an eye on, I’ve heard talks about another song being released to the public soon. Check out their profile on Reverbnation for now, and then when they hit it big you can say you liked them before they were popular.

Book: Seven Hill City by B. Thompson Stroud

I’m cheating a bit here, as I have not actually read this book yet. But that is mostly due to not having a credit card anymore and can’t order it off of amazon. However, I have read many many things by the author and can say without a doubt that he is one of the most talented writers I’ve come across. To see for yourself, you can read tons of things by him at his website. As soon as I get a chance I am reading this book, not only due to my love of his other writings but I’ve heard from all that HAVE read it that it is a fantastic read. For more information check out the listing at amazon, and if you enjoy his writing then check this book out.

Video Game: J.D. Spy

This is a game I came across a long time ago and was immediately impressed. First of all, the game starts out with an error message, that you have to decipher and fix to access the main game. And that’s the easiest part of it. The rest of the game works as a sort of mail client that you get fake mail/instant messages from someone asking for your help. As you go through the story you have to use a multitude of encryption and hacking that really immerses you in the world and you need to use your actual browser and other tools on your computer to progress. I admit I still haven’t beat it and it’s really, really tough. But it’s one of the better ‘reality’ games out there and if you enjoy those browser based puzzle games like Notpron then you’ll likely enjoy this game as well. The official site is down I’m afraid but you can find it at other sites, like Megagames for example.

This time next week I’ll be ready to hang myself due to the impending stress of my summer plays opening and therefore the picks may be late. But check back throughout the week anyway, who knows when I decide to post something new!

I’ll admit it: I love Disney movies. I was, like many kids, raised on them, and still watch many of them to this day not only for fond memories but because I truly believe they are well made movies. This generally doesn’t include anything the company has pumped out since and including Treasure Planet because that is the movie I remember most vividly seeing in the theatre and thinking “what is this shit Disney Corporation?” Also anything by Pixar is still great but that goes without saying (in my mind).

Recently I began re watching many cartoons/movies from my childhood, including many Don Bluth films as well as the classic Disney movies. It was around the time I saw the ocean waves transform into demons of the sea in An American Tail that I realized just how twisted and messed up the majority of children’s movies were during the 80s and 90s. That of course got me thinking about Disney movies themselves, as they are generally regarded as the ‘best’ kids movies, and yet I’m sure they have some of the most twisted and creepy moments ever put to film while still being intended for children.

So here is a personal selection of some of the creepiest Disney moments ever put to film. Also just assume the entirety of Meet the Robinsons is creepy as fuck.

Creepy Characters

Cruella De Vil

I think the cartoon version was the scariest because fuck a Glenn Close. I didn’t like the live action movies anyway, so there. But really, this is an evil woman who wants to MURDER PUPPIES. Who does that? Evil people. Evil people that terrify children when they watch a movie about puppies. Also the very end scene where she is crazy and driving her car all evil like is pretty freaky. If I remember correctly her eyes go all insane and then she crashes and I thought she was dead until it shows her angry in the ditch. If she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will indeed! (quote from the movie)

The Headless Horseman

Mostly due to his laugh, which is freaking TERRIFYING. I remember watching this short often when I was younger, and I can picture the whole chase in the forest scene pretty vividly, and it’s pretty creepy. I mean, even his HORSE is evil! He has RED EYES! Also once Ichabod crosses the bridge which is supposed to be like a ’safe zone’ the horseman throws his flaming pumpkin head at him and that is where the scene ends. So I learned two things from this: a) Even across the bridge you aren’t safe, and b) I’m pretty sure Ichabod is hinted at being killed. It’s left pretty open, but I know he was ‘never heard from again’ so I don’t know why Disney would do that unless it was because he died. And I think that was one of my first recollections of a character dying in a cartoon.

Ursula

Ursula is unquestionably evil, and it’s pretty easy to tell early on in the movie. But that point is really driven home when Ariel goes to see her and there are millions of little plant creatures looking up at her sadly in the lair, and some try to grab her and it is probably one of the most terrifying things in the world. I remember being scared by the shark earlier in the movie, but this made that shark look pretty damn tame. Also, in the end when she steals Triton’s power and grows enormous it’s pretty damn scary. She also has an honorable mention as a ‘Disturbing Death’ as when she is stabbed with a ship mast and then electrocuted it’s one of the first Disney deaths that didn’t involve the enemy falling to his/her doom.

Mutant Toys

While the other characters in this category are indeed evil and scary no matter how many times you watch it, these guys are more scary the first time you see the movie. There is just something about a baby doll head without an eye and on spider legs turning to look at you that is definitely a source of nightmare fuel. Of course, it turns out they are simply misunderstood Mutant Toys, but it still is a pretty creepy sequence.

Twisted Sequences

Night on Bald Mountain

If this was numbered, I’m pretty sure this would be on the top of the list. And this was in the 40s! The film itself is amazing, and really well done. But this end (or near the end, I don’t recall) sequence is probably the most disturbing and creepy thing I had ever seen when I was a kid. As far as I know, this was depicting Hell, and Chernabog (the creature you see smiling up there) was a sort of Satan character. He summoned all these spirits to his lair, and then proceeded to toy with them. One sequence I remember most vividly is when he picks up a bunch of people, turns them into dancing ladies, then into hideous demons, and then THROWS THEM INTO LAVA. It’s pretty fucking scary and I was pretty young when I first saw it. Then again, I remember rewinding it often and watching it again, so maybe I’m crazy.

Lampwick turns into a Donkey

Pinocchio is a pretty scary movie in general, but I remember this part being super creepy and weird. The boys (Pinocchio and Lampwick) go to Pleasure Island and soon find out that the drinking, smoking, and gambling magically turns them into Donkeys (something sub textually was about them making ‘asses’ out of themselves I think, but whatever). It’s pretty freaky to watch Lampwick turn into a donkey on it’s own, but accompanied with him screaming for his mama and Pinocchio watching in horror is really scary and come to think of it maybe it subconsciously is the reason I don’t smoke or drink(often). I just don’t want to turn into a donkey!

Heffalumps and Woozles

This one is also a lot less creepy watching it now, but at the time it was pretty scary. Also they made a Heffalump movie now or some shit so that negates the whole scariness of this sequence (cause the Heffalump is so nice!). But I definitely recall being scared along with good ol’ Winnie the Pooh when watching this and I remember the song pretty well still. I’ve realized I have a lot of talents that really get me nowhere in life.

Judge Frollo wants to Rape Esmeralda

Definitely something that wasn’t apparent to me until I was older, but basically during Frollo’s song (Hellfire) he sings about his lustful feelings for Esmeralda and how he doesn’t want to act on them due to his faith. It’s a pretty mature song when you think about it, and now whenever I hear it I think it’s pretty damn disturbing. I still like it though because it is voiced by the fantastic Tony Jay who is one of my heroes (and unfortunately passed a few years ago).

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

This part of A Christmas Carol is meant to be dark, and meant to frighten you. But it’s still hard to watch in a Disney movie! I think the same sequence in A Muppet Christmas Carol is even freakier, but that is for another list. But the Disney one (Mickey’s Christmas Carol) was equally scary, even if it was just Pete from Goof Troop under that cloak. Something about a spirit showing you your own grave from the future, and then showing how no one cared you were dead and in fact were GLAD you were is pretty damn scary.

Genie Doesn’t Like Bringing People Back from the Dead

This one wasn’t something that scared me as much, but I know there are many people that were legitimately scared by the Genie doing a Peter Lorre impression and turning all dead and gooey when he is announcing his rules for wishes. It is a pretty creepy sequence, but again, this is less of something I was scared of and more something I know of that scares people. Why do I list it here then? Because Aladdin is awesome and I like to mention it as much as possible.

Disturbing Deaths

Scar Devoured Alive

Scar is a pretty badass villain, and I guess he deserves a pretty badass death. I mentioned earlier, but Disney villains have a tendency to be killed by falling from a high up place. There are a few exceptions, obviously, but I think three of them stand out in my mind as being some of the most disturbing deaths ever, cartoon or otherwise. The first is indeed Scar, who during his fight with Simba reveals some bad thoughts about his hyena minions and then of course loses to Simba. When the hyenas start circling him, he proclaims how they’re his friends and they obviously don’t agree, then move in for the kill. In the context of the world of the Lion King it’s not as bad, since animals eat other animals, but it’s still a disturbing thing to witness as he is devoured alive by hyenas.

Hopper Devoured Alive

A similar one occurs in A Bug’s Life, when Hopper the evil Kevin Spacey grasshopper, corners the heroes and is about to move in for ‘the kill’ as it were. Suddenly a giant bird (well giant to bugs I guess) appears and looks inquisitively at Hopper. He thinks it’s a fake bird again but soon finds out it’s not and it’s been well established that Hopper has a large fear of birds and is one of the few things he’s actually terrified of. He tries to escape to little avail, and then is plucked up simply by the bird and fed to a trio of happy, chirping little baby birds. It’s a really dark thing, to see such cute little babies about to literally rip apart this grasshopper which you have come to associate as a sentient being.

Clayton Hangs Himself

Finally, we have one of the darker Disney deaths in existence. During an intense treetop battle between Tarzan and Clayton, Tarzan obviously has the upper hand as he is like an ape. But Clayton has his machete, and starts flailing wildly with it, then proceeds to get tangled in a bunch of vines. Tarzan tries to warn him, but it’s too late. Clayton unwittingly hangs himself from a bundle of wines, and as he falls down and Tarzan tries to save him, we are shown the above scene of just Tarzan and Clayton’s machete landing below. Then as lightning flashes it shows Clayton’s hanging corpse. It’s a pretty gruesome death by Disney standards, especially for a human character. I also never noticed the shadow thing until recently, which makes it even creepier.

I am sure there are many other examples of why Disney is twisted, but these were the ones that stuck out in my mind. If you have any other examples to add, you should let me know, I would love to hear about them.

Week of June 14th, 2008

I’m a little late this week but it’s worth it because last night I watched a fantastic movie that inspired this weeks theme.

Movie: Frankenhooker

That tagline alone should make you want to see this. While the titular character is not actually revealed until a good two thirds into the movie, the scene leading up to it is worth it alone. Basically this is the story about Jeffrey Franken, whose girlfriend is killed in a freak lawnmower accident. Being the expert medical school dropout he is, he concocts a plan to rebuild his girlfriend using hooker parts. He goes to the hooker pimp (who is named ZORRO) and gets a huge selection of hookers to choose from. We’re then treated to a montage of him examining the various body parts and deciding which ones are the best (including putting a checkmark on one girls ass with a sharpie) before ‘accidentally’ exploding them all with super crack he invented the night before. He builds the girl, crazy shit happens, and the worst part in the movie is when various hooker body parts form a bunch of creepy ass mutant things that crawl at Zorro and kiss him then drag him into a deep freeze. It’s probably one of the scariest things I’d ever seen put to film. But the movie is hilarious.

Television Show: Clone High

This is also a show I wrote about in my Top 25 TV Shows, but expect most if not all of those shows to appear on these picks eventually. Anyway, this show is hilarious and awesome and I use those two words often I know but they are always true so shut up. They have some great guest spots, and the main cast themselves are excellent voice actors (and a lot of them you’d probably recognize the name of or some of the other work they’ve done).  There is also a fantastic episode that is a ‘rock opera in three acts’ and I can’t stress enough how amazing this episode is. The music is pretty damn catchy too.

Music: Rilo Kiley

I have adored every one of these guys albums and their new one was a notable difference in tone and music but I still loved it none the less. I know a lot of big Rilo Kiley fans hated the new album but I still enjoyed it but I would still agree it’s their weakest album so far. But their first three albums are all stellar and top notch. I think that if I had to choose one band and only one band that I had to listen to for the rest of my life I would go with Rilo Kiley, because their music is diverse enough that I wouldn’t grow bored and I could definitely listen to their stuff over and over and over again. Plus Jenny Lewis is quite the pretty lady.

Book: Choke by Chuck Palahniuk

Yes, another Palahniuk book. What can I say, he’s the first author I really got into and his books are still some of my favorites. This was technically the first book of his I finished, and I was really impressed. There is a feature film coming out based on this book starring Sam Rockwell (awesome) which I think will be pretty good. I haven’t really seen the trailer or anything yet so don’t hold me on that, but I have faith. Basically the story is about a sex addict who purposefully chokes on food at restaurants so someone will save him, feel responsible for his well-being, and subsequently send him money to support him. There are other aspects to it as well, but I won’t get into it all as it may ruin it. Check it out, it’s really well executed and an interesting read.

Video Game: Grand Theft Auto IV

I beat the main game a few weeks ago, and I was really impressed. The main character, Niko Bellic, is one of the more likeable characters in a video game I’ve ever played, and while there are a lot of annoying and stupid characters in the game, there is a much better balance of cool/good characters than in earlier games (at least in my mind). Also there are some great executions and choices you have to make which actually affect the way the rest of the game is played, which was pretty interesting to go through. I haven’t done a lot of the side missions and whatnot so I’m not sure how great that aspect is, but the main story is definitely something worth checking out, if only for some of the ending bits.

Next week I hope to have watched some more awesome slash hilarious B movies to rave and rant about.