The A-Bomb

Iron Man

Director: Jon Favreau
Writer: Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Terence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow

Rating: 18/20

Interestingly enough, this is probably the first movie I went to on opening night purely on impulse. Normally if I’m going to a film on opening night I’ve been anticipating it for years and bought my ticket long in advance of the actual night. This time however, I bought my ticket online after my brother told me he was going, and arrived at the theater less excited about the movie than I would have had I known what I was in for.

There was a few reasons I wasn’t super excited for this film. First the previews made the movie look laughably lame, and I honestly was not expecting much. The director, Jon Favreau, made the terrible Daredevil film some years back, and maybe if Ben Affleck was in the lead role again this would have been a train wreck. The other reason I was not particularly excited for this film was due to my own knowledge on the subject. Unlike other superhero movies, I never read any Iron Man comic books and never really delved deep into the character or the back story behind it, the extent of my knowledge was that Iron Man is Tony Stark, a drunk billionaire. He shoots people with his hands and flies around a lot. As it turns out, the story to this character is quite interesting and more complex than I realized. And while initial reviews on the film were surprisingly positive, I really was surprised and delighted that this movie was one of the best superhero movies I’ve ever seen.

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Cloverfield

Director: Matt Reeves
Writer: Drew Goddard
Starring: Michael Stahl-David, Mike Vogel, Odette Yustman, Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T.J. Miller

Rating: 20/20

Disclaimer: In my review at no time will you see me write ‘9/11′ or ‘Twenty-somethings’ because GODDAMNIT.

I think I was one of the many people surprised at the clever then-untitled trailer of this movie when I first saw it, and at the time I was pretty excited to learn more. When you think about it, it was a pretty well done marketing campaign, and that was actually one of the biggest reasons I was nervous going into the theater to watch this film when it was finally released. There also seemed to be a lot less marketing happening from the first trailer until a few weeks before the release. Nevertheless, I was still really excited to see it and went into the theater with high hopes. Luckily, my hopes were not destroyed, in fact they were blown away.

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Transformers

Director: Michael Bay

Writers: Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Peter Cullen, Jon Voight, Josh Duhamel

Rating: 5/20

I was always a huge fan of the original Transformers cartoon, as well as the subsequent spin-offs like Beast Wars (read my top 25 TV Shows for proof!), so when I heard they were making a live action movie out of the franchise, I was pretty damn excited. When I heard Michael Bay had signed on as a director, I was notably less excited. I didn’t write it off completely, because while I find Bay a bit hack-ish and a director who panders to the audience, the blame of his work can’t be placed entirely upon his shoulders. I was hoping beyond hope that things would turn out great, after all, it’s giant robots fighting each other, how could you mess that up?

For starters, you could have the giant robots become mere side characters, and focus on the humans and their reactions to the giant robots. That is the center of this story. Steven Spielberg (exec. producer) pitched it as a story about ‘a boy and his car’ and I can’t stress enough how big of a mistake that was. The story takes much too long to get to the meat of the film, the Transformers. That’s what people have come to see. We don’t want to see Shia LaBeouf awkwardly trying to pick up generic film hottie #7. Especially when she is making a ‘durr’ face every two seconds (if you’ve seen the movie you should know what I’m talking about). I am also not interested in seeing how amazing the AMERICAN MILITARY can be, nor do I care what new cars are coming out next year and which Transformer I can one day own if I was a millionaire. I want to see ROBOTS KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER. That’s what Transformers are about. Granted there are some cool moments with the robots, but ultimately the camera pans back to Sam running and screaming, while the stuff I really want to see happens off-camera.

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My movie reviews are going to break down into four different categories:

• Look
• Feel
• Sound
• Taste

I’ll explain each of these categories a bit more.

Look – Visuals & Acting

A movie’s visuals is it’s bread and butter. After all, they’re moving pictures, and movies are primarily a visual medium. With this category I’ll discuss the visuals of the film, whether that means how great/terrible the CGI is, or how realistic the animated water is in [insert Pixar film here].

Not only that, but this is where I’ll discuss any gripes/praises with the actors involved and their acting ‘chops’ as it were. Acting has a lot to do with speaking, yes, but primarily it’s the facial expressions/body language/ability to flail your arms wildly like Jim Carrey that make you stand out as an actor. However, if the movie is animated, then I’ll discuss the voice acting in the ‘Sound’ category.

Feel – Plot & Characters

When you’re watching a video film, there are certain feelings that come over you from the opening scene to the credits rolling. They can be giddy excitement from finally seeing your most beloved childhood toy on the big screen, anger from seeing said toy being ripped to shreds by Michael Bay’s massive ego, or even sadness from ALLIE WHY DON’T YOU REMEMBER NOAH YOU WERE SO IN LOVE OH GOD

Either way, I believe the majority of these feelings come from two basic elements of storytelling – Plot and Characters. So it is in this category that I’ll not only discuss these subjects, but I’ll also give you an idea of the feelings that came over me personally while watching said film. And I apologize in advance if this ends up being five paragraphs of why Spider-Man is so awesome.

Sound – Music & Effects

Another key to great storytelling, at least in the motion picture business, is the music! Quentin Tarantino would agree with me I’m sure, but then he’d probably yell at me for not realizing that that one scene in Kill Bill where The Bride swung the sword sideways and slightly upward was an homage to a similar scene in the classic B movie ‘Samurai Zombies are attacking my village!‘ Regardless, the music a director or production company chooses helps set the tone of the film, creates a false sense of exitement at seeing an animated ogre dance around, or prods the crying zone in your brain until your friend looks over at you and makes a mental note to rip on you later for being such a pansy.

To a lesser extent I may discuss the Sound effects in the film if they are important. But don’t count on me going off on a tangent about how the Wilhelm Scream was used one too many times in some slasher horror flick.

Taste – Aftermath

The final category I’ll discuss is the ‘Aftermath’ of the movie. Most people don’t consider this a viable reason to rate a movie, but personally I believe it to be one of the most important ones. The ‘aftermath’ essentially means what kind of taste the movie leaves in your mouth as a whole. The feeling you get while watching a movie may not be the same feeling you get afterwards, just like Burger King hamburgers. They may taste delicious while eating them, but the taste after you’re done is like rotten ass. The aftermath may deal with new information you receive after the movie is done, or maybe the ending didn’t sit right with you. Maybe after thinking about it, you realized that the new Star Wars film really wasn’t as awesome as you thought it was while watching it. Either way, it’s a movie’s lasting power that really makes it something worthwhile, and if it has none, then it’s no good.

Each of these categories will recieve a rating out of 5 possible points, and at the end I’ll total them up to make the entire movie out of 20 points.