Picks of the Week: Indypendant
Week of June 21st, 2008
Isn’t that a clever title? Huh? I thought so. This week, in addition to publicly exclaiming my love for the new Indiana Jones movie, I’ve done some picks for things that are, in my eyes, ‘independent’ and therefore lesser known.
Movie: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I admit I went into this movie with some reservations, as I loved the original trilogy like most sane people, and was worried this would screw up the franchise (mostly due to George Lucas’ involvement). Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised by the pure unadulterated awesomeness that came from this movie. I was confused during the first few scenes, but soon, as Indiana Jones randomly discovers a nuclear test site and survives the impending explosion by hiding inside a lead lined (clearly marked) refrigerator that this movie was made to be hilarious and campy. The plot was decent (although pretty ridiculous), but the dialog and the events throughout were so lame that it was AWESOME. Harrison Ford was great for being really old and Shia Labeouf redeemed himself in my eyes after pissing me off to no end in Transformers. Also I loved that Janitor from Scrubs and Charles Widmore from LOST both showed up in the same scene.
Walt Disney is Twisted
I’ll admit it: I love Disney movies. I was, like many kids, raised on them, and still watch many of them to this day not only for fond memories but because I truly believe they are well made movies. This generally doesn’t include anything the company has pumped out since and including Treasure Planet because that is the movie I remember most vividly seeing in the theatre and thinking “what is this shit Disney Corporation?” Also anything by Pixar is still great but that goes without saying (in my mind).
Recently I began re watching many cartoons/movies from my childhood, including many Don Bluth films as well as the classic Disney movies. It was around the time I saw the ocean waves transform into demons of the sea in An American Tail that I realized just how twisted and messed up the majority of children’s movies were during the 80s and 90s. That of course got me thinking about Disney movies themselves, as they are generally regarded as the ‘best’ kids movies, and yet I’m sure they have some of the most twisted and creepy moments ever put to film while still being intended for children.
So here is a personal selection of some of the creepiest Disney moments ever put to film. Also just assume the entirety of Meet the Robinsons is creepy as fuck.
Picks of the Week: Hookers N’ Clones
Week of June 14th, 2008
I’m a little late this week but it’s worth it because last night I watched a fantastic movie that inspired this weeks theme.
Movie: Frankenhooker
That tagline alone should make you want to see this. While the titular character is not actually revealed until a good two thirds into the movie, the scene leading up to it is worth it alone. Basically this is the story about Jeffrey Franken, whose girlfriend is killed in a freak lawnmower accident. Being the expert medical school dropout he is, he concocts a plan to rebuild his girlfriend using hooker parts. He goes to the hooker pimp (who is named ZORRO) and gets a huge selection of hookers to choose from. We’re then treated to a montage of him examining the various body parts and deciding which ones are the best (including putting a checkmark on one girls ass with a sharpie) before ‘accidentally’ exploding them all with super crack he invented the night before. He builds the girl, crazy shit happens, and the worst part in the movie is when various hooker body parts form a bunch of creepy ass mutant things that crawl at Zorro and kiss him then drag him into a deep freeze. It’s probably one of the scariest things I’d ever seen put to film. But the movie is hilarious.
Picks of the Week: His Name is Bruce
Week of June 7th, 2008
It’s Bruce Campbell theme this week, so grab your boomsticks and gimme some sugar baby! (those are quotes from his films)
Movie: Alien Apocalypse
Probably my favorite Bruce Campbell movie after Army of Darkness. Bruce plays an astronaut who has been away from earth for 40+ years and returns to find it overrun by aliens! The reason this movie is so awesome, aside from Campbell himself, is that the aliens are hilarious. Some of their dialog is the funniest stuff I’ve ever heard, especially the ‘Humans are our favorite delicacy…after wood!’ part. That’s the part that stands out in my mind. But the whole ‘humans leading the resistance against the aliens’ plot becomes so great and so campy that it’s hard not to love this movie. If you love Bruce you’ll love this one, but even if you don’t, you should be able to enjoy it as it’s full of great cheesy one liners and moments.
Family Guy is a Terrible Show
Back in 1999, I fell into the evil comedy trap that Seth Macfarlane set for many an impressionable youth. I thought it was the funniest TV Show I’d ever seen, and I recall watching the first episode and telling all my friends about it the next day at school. I continued to watch the show when I could, and while I never got as excited about it as I did for The Simpsons back in the day, I was notably saddened when the show was canceled. Naturally I bought the DVD sets when they first came out, and because of that I was able to watch the entire series without planning it around the TV schedule. Again, I thought it was hilarious. I watched all the episodes many times, and quoting it became a natural expression between my friends and I.
Naturally, I was excited when I heard it was coming back. I watched the first new episode with baited breath, and when it finally aired I was…underwhelmed. It didn’t seem like the show I remembered and loved. I watched the next few episodes and it seemed more and more like it wasn’t a good show anymore. It just wasn’t that funny. Of course I decided that ‘it was better before it came back’ but re-watching those episodes now, I realize just how wrong I was on that account.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how terrible the television show Family Guy was. And it’s even more aggravating because everyone seems to think it’s comedic genius. People quote it to me and talk about how hilarious it was when Peter farted for 5 minutes because it’s just so zany that way! So while I’m sure this little article will gain me a lot of haters, I think it will be worth it to open the eyes of many impressionable youth out there who may read this.
Submitted for your approval, I am going to convince you that Family Guy is the worst cartoon ever created and that your favorite show sucks.
Summer Has Just Begun
So today was a looong day as we had our ‘Fam Tour’ (Familiarization Tour) for the southwestern area of Alberta. Basically we had to drive around in a bus and visit various tourist attractions so we can tell people visiting the Empress Theatre about them. I’m quite sleepy now, and they fed me way too much food. But there will be a full Trip Report for that later, once I get all the pictures uploaded.
Things have changed drastically in the past month, and I’m still adjusting. I’m infinitely happy that I got this job at the Theatre for the summer because otherwise I might have been going out of my mind bored. They’re all great people I work with too, and while we may be sick of each other when August ends, for now I’m having a blast. Also we found out today that we can go horseback riding/whitewater rafting for free since we work in the ‘tourism industry’ of Alberta. So that’s probably something we’ll do later this month, and I’m super excited for that. It’s half research as I have to ride a fake horse in the one play we’re doing so this will make it possible to be more realistic. Let’s hope!
Have I mentioned how freaking nervous I am for this production? One of the plays I have a small(er) part and I’m already off book. So I’m not too worried about that one, but the other one I play the lead role and the character has like 20 monologues throughout the play. Not only that but I need to make convincing interactions with a fake/invisible horse and that will be the most challenging part. I think it will be a great experience for me though.
I’ve decided I’m going to try to become more active in the drama community next year during school. I was always kind of weary of getting involved in those things as my first year I got hurt pretty bad by the drama students. But I’m more confident now, and I’m SO excited for The BFG next spring, which I’m going to work my ass off for because I want to be in that play SO bad. I’ve also started writing more, and I hope to have the first draft of my current play done by the time summer is over. Then I have some ideas for more plays to write, and if I never get these produced I won’t mind because I enjoy the writing process. But maybe a Theatre Xtra would be a good place to try my hand at getting some of my writing produced?
So I am still trying to find my place in the world. Corny I know, but it’s true. I’ve never really had a ’solid’ group of friends or people that I connect with in all aspects. I guess I can think of that as a positive thing, that I’m so ‘unique’ that there is no one else like me, but it still is a hard thing to go through. I’m really thankful to have so many great friends that care about me, but I still feel forgotten and/or out of place most of the time. This may sound like I’m being all emo again, but I’m honestly not trying to sound that way. I have learned a lot about myself the past few years, and I realize that I need to worry more about enjoying the ride than looking for a destination.
I like driving metaphors, I dunno why.
